Lesson 16: Don’t assume

I once attended this rather dry book-keeping course. There was very little information that I actually retained. In fact, the only thing I do remember was the tutor telling us not to assume. What he actually said was this:

Don’t ASSUME, it makes an ASS out of U and ME.

At the time I thought it very clever and certainly far more relevant to everyday life than one would suppose. We can’t assume other people will think like us, behave like us, react like us. We only know about ourselves.  As a libran, this is something that is of especial interest as I have always been able to see the other side’s point of view, to MANY a person’s frustration. When I was reading Law, I had an argument with a friend as I could never give her a definitive answer to a question. It would drive her mad whenever I said, ‘Well, it depends on the situation.’  Having the ability ( is it?!) to see both sides has not always been a blessing. True, many people have said that I have a very strong sense of justice ( a typically libran trait) but I also prevaricate, endlessly change my mad and generally drive everybody – including myself, sometimes- mad in the process.

This ‘ability’- I use the term loosely – don’t panic! to see both sides, unfortunately does not stop me from assuming. I still have trouble remembering that other people don’t react the same way and it causes endlless upsets.

Life is so fraught with double meanings, reading between the lines and guessing what may or may not be meant by a comment, surely time can be better spent?

I wish I knew the answer to actually NOT making an assumption. So often, it is a knee-jerk reaction, so quick to appear that it has bypassed any forms of self-censorship we may have imposed upon ourselves. We all KNOW the theory, not so easy to practice in real life, though…….

A few years ago I went to see a psychic. I had been going through some difficult times and felt I needed some extra guidance. Somebody in my ‘inner-circle’ had been making things very difficult for me and I had spent a fair amount of time complaining about them. I was told that what characteristics I project onto other people are actually the characteristics I have myself. Simply said, the things I was complaining complaining about were actually what I was guilty of! I did not get it, I really couldn’t see it. I was given a few examples of things I said and how they related to me. I was starting to understand but only a bit.  It took me a LONG time to get my head around it. Recently, a friend who is very spritual said the exact same thing to me and it very slowly started clicking.

We can’t assume to know how other people will behave so, if we get upset by the deeds, actions or words, we should give them the benefit of the doubt as maybe they did not mean it the way we may have meant it if we had said it .

If we see fault in others we should just check we are not projecting our own inadequacies on to them and blaming them rather than seeing the fault is coming from us.

This is something I am learning on a daily basis. Someone who says he really cares for me has of late been more and more negative in his view of me. When I question him, I am always met with the response that I put him down.  What I noticed was that the more upset I became over what I considered to be a completely unsubstantiated attack on me, the more I WOULD put him down as a reaction to my hurt.

What did this mean? Was I putting him down and then he reacted to me? Or was he projecting his own fears on to me which resulted in a self-fulfilling prophesy?

I still don’t know the answer. What I certainly do know is that we are not singing from the same hymn-sheet and we are most definitely ought not to be assuming!

Lesson 15: Scents and scentsibility – not to be sniffed at!

‘Fish is the only food that is considered spoiled once it smells like what it is.’

P.J. O’Rourke ( 1947-)

Is living with stench a life-scentence? Can life really smell of roses? H.L. Menken said,’A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers,looks for a coffin.’

Out of all the senses, smell is the only one with the ability to transport us back to a certain place or time. Don’t believe in time-travel? Well, then you haven’t come across a smell so evocative, so so powerful ,so pervasively lightning-joltingly jarring on the memory that it literally takes your breath away whilst teleporting you to the last time you smellt that scent.

No other sense has the ability to both entice so completely and disgust so absolutely as the sense of olfaction. There really is no finer example of an onomatopoeia than the word ‘poo’. Enough said!

Patrick Suskind wrote a book about smell, ‘Perfume’ about a man, Grenouille, who had no personal scent of his own and, in his desire to escape his social mediocrity, he killed maidens, bottling their scent to use on himself in a wish to bestow his odourless body with aroma.

Marilyn Monroe, when asked what she wore in bed, famously replied, ‘Chanel No. 5′.

In any department store the prime space is the ground floor, by the main entrance which is, invariably where the perfume and cosmetic concessions are.

A great deal of importance and emphasis is placed on the need to smell nicer. How many people are actually turned on by Napoleon’s request to Josephine not to wash as he was returning home?

Unlike the other senses, smell has the ability to lift the mood, lighten the spirits and create an environment of ambient bliss. How often are we seduced by the smell of baking bread, the aroma of freshly ground coffee, the heady richness of honeysuckle and contrast that to the oppressive rankness of the local pig-farm, the vomit-inducing fug of the sugar-beet factory and the retch-inducing whiff of vomit?

Something that can lift the mood and make us smell lovely to boot. Now we can get rid of the therapist and come up smelling of roses. How much more credit-crunch friendly can you get?!?!

Unfortunately it is a truth not always universally acknowledged that cheap smells are naff. We may not necessarily want to dowse ourselves liberally in Jean Patou’s ‘Joy’ – supposedly ounce for ounce the most expensive fragrance in the world, or ignite the air with the rich redolence of a Jo Malone candle – after all, neither of these options are cheap. No, Skintflint Diva will offer you a guide to lifting your spirits whilst making sure that people near you will want to luxuriate in your heavenly aroma – or, at the very least, want to know what it is that is making you smell so nice.

Fragrances for the home:

Well, the first thing to do is forget those nasty air-fresheners that blow out a hole in the ozone layer and induce a chemically ignited coughing or sneezing fit in those with sensitive olfaction.

Bake bread. Or fairy cakes. Or any type of cake. Children will love you, men will want to marry you and his mother will adore you.  If you want to cheat buy some bread or a pack of fairy cakes and heat up in the oven. This is not just great if you are in a rush but, if you have sworn off carbohydrate, will not make you feel in the least bit as guilty about not eating them as if they were home-made cakes. You may not wish to eat  your room-scenting carbs Don’t bin them. You must have neighbourhood children you can bribe (via their parents – it’s a world fraught with the possibility of accusations and litigation or pensioners nearby who would love a cup of tea to be accompanied by more than just a couple of custard creams and a Rich Tea!

Coffee is another great smell. Invest in a caffetiere and let the rich roast scent of arabica beans permeate through the house. A great tip I read in a magazine recently suggests half-filling a jam-jar. Heating it in the microwave for 60 seconds and then screw the lid on and shake vigorously to frothing point. Pour over coffee for a budget cappuccino that tastes divine. Starbucks for no bucks – whey hey!!

Smelly loo guests? Leave a packet of matches and strike one straight after the deed or, if they are good friends, tell them to strike one after themselves. The sulphur contained in the match-tip will neutralise those totally unnecessary organically nasty-niffs. A word of warning though. Kids ARE smelly little tikes but, because of their age and certain rather unfortunate legal requirements, you will have to enter the dread-zone and strike the match yourself. Better for kids to be pirates than pyromaniacs. That WOULD be playing with fire!!

Leave a small bowl with some water and a few drops of essential oil on the radiator. This will also help to humidify the room. You can change the oils according to the season. I like using juniperberry oil. It makes the house smell of Gin and Tonics.

Mulled wine is another great room freshener . I love mulled wine but if I am not in the mood, I buy the cheapest red wine, add the manky slightly ‘turned’ fruit that always happens to live in my fruit bowl, add some mulled wine spice – cloves, cinnamon. and let it simmer. When I go to bed I will put a lid on the saucepan and the next day will re-heat it again and again to fill the air with the warmth of Christmas.

Oranges studded with cloves and left out to dry on the radiator emit a wonderful festive fragrance. Once the oranges have dried, they can be used as pomanders in wardrobes, airing cupboards and drawers.

In the summer I grow a lot of rosemary, lavender and sage which I then dry in the airing cupboard. They are supposed to be very good for cleansine negative energy and improving concentration if you throw them on the fire.

Enhancing your life with fragrance does not just end at room fragrancing. You can literally make  verything smell of roses.

For an inexpensive toner, I buy Boots’ own brand Witch Hazel toner to which I add a few drops of tea-tree and geranium oil. In the summer I add a few drops of peppermint oil and lemon. Face-creams can also be customised. In the morning, a drop of neroli to enhance the mood, grapefruit oil to uplift or tea-tree if I am looking a little less than perfect. In the evening I add a drop of frankincense or ylang-ylang to either night cream or a light facial massage oil which I will then apply by massaging the face upwards and with fairly firm pressure to add a gloa as well as decongest the face. I take the trouble to breathe the essential oils in deeply. A few drops mixed with a small cup of milk and then added to the bath after it has been run ( the mmilk adds as an emulsifier so you don’t get globs of oil that float on the surface) adds to the scentsational ( err, sorry!) olfactory experience.

All in all, it doesn’t matter what is happening in your life. Just because life stinks, it doesn’t mean you or your environment have to!!

Lesson 14: Don’t look back (unless you’re changing lanes)

‘When one door closes,another opens;but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.’

Alexander Graham Bell

If only, if only if only……….

Most of us have regrets. Maybe we have done something we later wish we hadn’t or we haven’t done something we ought to have done. We may also be feeling guilty.  One of the joys of being human is that we are able to rationalise our behaviour – even if it is only after the event!

The thing about regret is that whatever is done is done. We can’t go back and change things. We can’t dwell on what may or may not have been. Time only goes forwards and we live in the present.

‘Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves-regret for the past and fear for the future’

Fulton Oursler

When you look at the above quote, it’s easy to see how we can get so caught up in the past and the future that we have completely overlooked what is to enjoy the here and now.

So, we have regrets, we may feel guilty but we don’t want to spend our whole life wishing we had changed our past. How are we going to change things?

Well, the first thing to do is to be kinder to ourselves.

‘To err is human, to forgive divine’

Next, we need to identify what exactly it is that we regret. Was it something we did or failed to do or were there circumstances beyond our control?

Once the regret has been identified, we will then need to see if we could have what done it differently. This is the time for serious soul-searching and searing honesty. We will need to look at the stark reality of the situation. Take responsibility for our words and actions without passing the buck and see if we could have done it better.

Regret is like a grieving process so allow yourself the chance to mourn. It is perfectly normal to feel guilt, anger, sadness or disappointment - just don’t wallow in it too long. You’ll be missing out on the chance to make amends, move on and enjoy living in the here and now.

Once we have identified how we could have acted, behaved or reacted we need to apologise to the other party concerned. It may well be the case that they do not accept our apology. That is their choice. What is important is that we have tried to make amends and we have been sincere in doing so.

Next we have to forgive. Not just  others but, if circumstances were beyond our control, we need to also forgive ourselves. Martyrdom is sooo overrated and self-flagellation is just a pain.

Finally, and most importantly, we need to learn from our mistakes and not repeat them. Life is a continual education and we’re never going to get it right all of the time as long as we can hold our hands up and take responsibilty and apologise when things go wrong and endeavour not to repeat them, that is all we can do.

Once we have changed our outlook, our propensity for regret will be greatly reduced and, hopefully, we will no longer waste our time in the present by harking back to the past.

Remember: Don’t look back unless you’re changing lanes!

‘Non, je ne regrette rien’

Edith Piaf

Lesson 12: Become more divine.

‘So divinely is the world organised that every one of us, in our place and time,

is in balance with everything else’

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749-1832)

One of the discoveries of learning to make-do with less is actually discovering how little you really need to be happy.This is true to say of material wealth, social acceptance and professional standing. I’m not saying we wouldn’t all like more handbags, more invitations, a whopping big promotion but none of those things will make us happier if we are not happy with ourselves.

The Concise Oxford Engish Dictionary defines the word divine as follows:

1. Like God

2. Devoted to God, sacred

3.Discover by guesswork or intuition

4.Have a supernatural or magic insight into ( for example) the future.

5. Discover (for example) water, by dowsing.

Well, I am not at all qualified to talk about the first four so I won’t try and embarrass myself or you, suffice it to say that, for those of you who actually know me, I don’t believe that a love of handbags and a wish to live a more spiritually fulfilling life have to be mutually exclusive.

What I really want to talk about here is about divining. Most of us have heard of water dowsing – using rods or pliable twigs such as willow to find underground reserves of water, oil gold or precious minerals.It is also possible to use crystal pendulums in order to divine.

The first time I came across crystal divination was after I had been told that my daughter had some blockages in her chakras.In all honesty, this meant nothing to me but I was suitably worried, as any Mother would be, when faced with the possibility that there might be something wrong with their beloved children.  A friend of mine showed me how to dowse with a crystal and what happened amazed me so much I actually burst into tears.

I now dowse, or divine with crystal pendulums on a regular basis.I find that, as a prevaricating Libran, it gives me a direction I would not normally have because I am forever sitting on a fence, able to see both sides of any situation. Bloody infuriating – let me tell you!

To start divining with a crystal  pendulum, first of all you need to have a pendulum. I recommend the Crystal Merchant in Bury St. Edmunds ( tel: 01284 752907) which holds a wide variety. Apparently, most people start off with a quartz crystal pendulum. I have five different pendulums. I wear two around my neck, close to my heart chakra. I have one in my handbag and two different crystals by my bedside. I usually divine before I go to bed or, if I am travelling, in the car.

Once you have your crystal you need to clean it as many people will have touched the crystal and you will need to cleanse it of all the negative energy that has been absorbed. Crystals can protect us from all kinds of negative energy as well as neutralising the harmful effects of mobile phones and electrical pollution because they have their own energy fields and vibrations, they can neutralise negative fields and emissions. Each crystal is unique in that it has its own vibration that has an effect on the environment.

To cleanse the crystal, you can do one of several things:

Wash the crystal in mineral water and rock salt and leave the crystal in the solution overnight. In the morning, rinse the crystal in mineral water and discard the salt water which will have absorbed all of the negative energy.

Wash the crystal in the sea or in fresh running water such as a stream or a waterfall. Probably not the most practical way of cleansing in the inner city but if you travel with your crystal, it is always worth re-charging it whilst you are on holiday.

Bury the crystal in the earth for at least 24 hours. As crystals originally came from the earth, some people consider this to be the best way of cleansing. Just don’t forget where you buried it!

Leave the crystal out in a thunder storm.

Once the crystal pendulum has been cleaned, you can start using it.

Hold the pendulum so that the crystal is about heart height.

Now you need to run a test by asking the crystal questions to which you know the answer.

For example, my first question is always, ‘Is my name Min?’ I then watch the pendulum start swinging. usually it moves in a clockwise position – but not always! the next question I ask is whether or not I am a boy. At this point the pendulum will swing the other way. The day it does not is the day I start to seriously panic!

At this point it is probably a good time to mention that the pendulum does not always choose the same direction for a positive response which is why it is important to always carry out the test questions before you start divining for answers. Generally speaking, when I divine, the crystal pendulum will swing clockwise for a ‘yes’, anti-clockwise for a ‘no’ and vertically for a ‘maybe’ – but not always!

It is also important to completely blank your mind as you are able to influence the outcome if you are not completely without agenda!

Once I have the correct answers to the test questions, I then ask what ever I want, clear my mind and then wait for the response.

What is the most incredible experience I have had divining with the pendulum? Well, a few months ago I lost a very precious diamond necklace, I was really worried that maybe the lovely woman who comes to clean my house, who had that day tidied up my dressing table, may have vacuumed it up by mistake. I asked the crystal several questions; Had I lost the crystal? Was it in the house? Was it in my bedroom, etc and after a process of elimination, I found the necklace. Prior to that I lost a brand new earring whilst I was out gardening. I was worried that it may have fallen into a putrid and steaming pile of compost but the crystal told me where to look. sometimes I ask for things and I am not sure whether the crystal knew the answer, or whether I had simply manifested the request just like cosmic ordering ( see Lesson : 3 – Learn the fine art of wishing).  All I know is that ,for me ,it works. I can’t explain it but I have faith in the knowledge that it works.

Crystals can be used for healing, meditating, finding negative/positive earth energies and ley lines, to find vitamin deficiencies, health problems and for chakra work.

Just remember not to ask for anything that may cause harm. It is really important for you to come from a point of love and not from the negative aspects of jealousy, fear and hate. We all need all the good karma we can give and receive – especially when times are hard!

‘I  think the pendulum has swung as far as it’s going to and it will now swing back’

John McCain

Lesson 11: Keep things crystal clear

My friend Cosmo is the owner of a really fabulous shop in Bury St. Edmunds called  The Crystal Merchant. He has seen me write this and has hijacked my computor….Not only does he stock a wide array of the most beautiful crystals in varying sizes, he also has stones made up into jewellery and pendants, little pocket-money tumbles which my children adore and a wide range of books on all matters spiritual, holistic and esoteric. For divination and dowsing he has stones and crystals made up into pendulums.

Here, he writes about rose quartz:

Rose quartz helps activates the heart chakra and also opens the nurturing connections between the human heart, the earth’s heart and the heart of the universe helping us to feel whole and as one. The energy of rose quartz helps dissolve any feelings of separation or mistrust. When we release negative emotions or any feelings and relationships that no longer serve our highest good, we become clearer channels of light which enables us to raise our energy vibration and the vibration of the planet as a whole.

The energy of rose quartz helps release tension and stress as it calms and cleanses the auric field and subtle bodies. Its love vibrations enable human cells to be programmed with joy and happiness and may be programmed to help clear toxins in the cells of the body and to promote the release of impurities/ It has been used in the treatment of vertigo and can help with disorders of the kidneys and adrenal glands. As an elixir ( imbibing the energy of water with rose quartz,it can be used to clear the complexion and soften the skin. Why not pop a rose quartz tumble into your bottle of mineral water or place some rough rose quartz in your bath imagining yourself bathing in the soothing energies of Universal Love ? !

Crystals are more than just pretty stones used in jewellery. They receive and transmit particular energies which can interact with the human energy field, so when we are feeling miserable or unwell, these amazing beings can help get us to the root causes of why we are experiencing these dificulties. For example, if we have migraines or headaches on a regular basis, then we could take paracetamol and they might go away but only temporarily. Crystals help create a loving and nurturing environment before helping us have a look at the reality we are creating and how we can change it….

to be continued…….

Lesson 4: Be true to you.

You are the most important person in the world. You look after a spouse,partner,family,parents,children,step-children. Who looks after you? Spending some time on yourself is not a treat, an extravagance or selfish. You need this to recharge your batteries, to clear your mind and, if things have been hectic or stressful, to rediscover your enthusiasm for life. Some time by yourself  will not only be good for you and your soul, it will also be good for your loved ones. They will get a happier, calmer, more contented radiant wife,mother,partner,step-mother,cousin,aunt,grandmother.

Martyrdom is overrated

‘The martyr sacrifices themselves entirely in vain’

Florence Nightingale

Take a regular ’Spa  Day’ – once a month, maybe? If you are a single mum with no childcare, team up with another single mum at school and make a pact to give each other 1 full day off a month. The rewards will be greater than the sum of their parts.

So, setaside a day for your maximum-impact low-budget pampering and prepare to emerge from your cocoon gorgeous and glorious. Get the full effect of a Spa Day in your own home without the need to traipse for miles or spend a fortune.

You will find details of the beauty treatments and the timetable in lesson 5 and  the recipes for your spa day menu on lesson 6.

So, no matter what is going on, no matter how bad things are, take some time out to reinvigorate yourself so thatyou are able to tackle, with new vigour, whatever life throws at you. To quote Dustin Hoffman: ‘Life stinks, but that doesn’t mean you don’t enjoy it.’ so, get rid of the kids, take the phone off the hook and treat yourself to  day of bliss!

Be true to you!

Lesson 3: Learn the fine art of wishing.

‘When you wish upon a star

makes no difference who you are

anything your heart desires will come to you’

Walt Disney’s ‘Pinocchio’, 1940

The first definition in the Concise Oxford Englsh Dictionary of the word ‘wish’ is: Desire something that cannot or probably will not happen.

Well, so who is right? The venerable ‘Tome of words’ or the Blue Fairy who turned a puppet into a real boy? It just so happens that, in recent years, there has been a spate of books published on the law of attraction or, to use the more press-friendly colloquialism, ‘cosmic ordering’. The book and movie,both entitled ‘The Secret’ are, perhaps, the most famous examples of this genre.

At the most basic level, these books would appear to tell the reader that the world is their oyster, anything they desire will come true. In reality, it is just not as simple as that. Well, it never is, is it? In my opinion, what these books are actually saying is ‘what goes around,comes around’ as well as have faith.

What do I mean by that?

Well, let’s look at the classic wish request:

‘Please, I wish I had bigger boobs’. Believe it or not, that statement isn’t actually as positive-affirming as you might initially suppose. Confused? Let me explain; by wishing I had bigger boobs, I am actually acknowledging that my boobs are NOT as big as I’d like and that I’d like more of them SOME DAY. This is actually a negative! To wish yourself morewell-endowed you need to SEE yourself with the increased cuppage and BELIEVE you have it ALREADY. This is seen as positive and leaves no doubt.

Who will grant my wish?

Depending on which book you read, this will be explained as either: Fate, ’The Universe’, The natural law of the Universe’,Angels, God. It doesn’t really matter how it is explained, the most important thing is to BELIEVE that we do not know EVERYTHING and there are a lot of unexplained mysteries and just leave it at that. That’s what I do.

The first thing you’ll notice by ‘cosmically ordering’ is just how hard it is to wish for something and completely and utterly believe that your wish will be answered. It is all too easy for the doubts to creep in and as soon as there is doubt, negativity and therefore the possibility of failure creeps in.This is what I found to be the most difficult thing to do, to be positive and JUST KNOW AND BELIEVE it will happen. I would say it probably took me a year of practising my wish technique, asking for something, having faith and just waiting for it to happen. Sometimes I still get it wrong as I don’t always know what to wish for or,more pertinently, how to be specific enough so that I get exactly what I requested. This is a skill I am still trying to learn!

Have I had any success in ‘cosmic ordering’? Yes, I have. I suppose the most significant one was that I asked for the next man I would get involved with to be childfree. Why? Because I have 3 children of my own as well as step-children and I believed it would be easier for me and my children if we did not have to deal with step-parents, step-siblings etc. After about a year, I went on to meet someone who was childless. He was also a commitment-phobe. I was not specific enough in my request!!! Oh dear, live and learn!

I have asked for clients, I cosmically ordered a car,and parking spaces, weight-loss. The more you practice, the better you get.

On the subject of cosmically ordering weight-loss, I caught a stomach bug and could not eat for several days. Yep, the Universe answered my request – just not in the way I had expected…..!

What I have noticed most about cosmic ordering is the way my thinking has evolved. I am now more able to see the positive in a situation and no matter how grim things can get, I KNOW that it is a temporary state of affairs.

Sometimes it is still hard to remain positive especially when all around is doom and gloom. The difference now is that  I KNOW it won’t be forever and, when the sun shines, when I find myself singing to a song, I always take a moment to thank the Universe for what I have – and then – whilst I’m feeling on top of the world, I quickly put in my cosmic order request as at that point I KNOW things will be all right.

I just need to learn to be more patient and not expect everything NOW!

‘Remember, it’s the absence of doubt that will bring your desire faster.

‘Michael J. Losier, ‘Law of Attraction’

Reading List:

‘Cosmic Ordering’ by Jonathan Cainer - the astrologer for the Daily Mail has written a fun, easy to understand book that you can manage over a weekend. May be a bit too airy-fairy for some but a good entrty-level book for those you wish to understand more about the power of the Universe.

‘Law of Attraction’ by Michael J. Losier- This book is rather no-nonsense and has a kind of ‘marketing module’ feel about it. Ideal for those in management, the author is an N.L.P. practitioner.

‘The Secret’ by Rhonda Byrne - this book has had world-wide press, there is a movie and a website. Definitely the most commercial. Personally I found it the most disjointed to read and, had I not been aware of ‘cosmic ordering’ or the ‘law of attraction’, I would have most probably given up after the first chapter.

‘The Cosmic Ordering Service’ by Barbel Mohr- This is the book that started it off for me. My friend Sarah told me to read it when I was going through a rough patch. I made another friend Elli suspend all disbelief, read it and just apply the principles. Two weeks later, when I saw her next she said, ‘Be careful what you wish for’. She got her wish but she also got a little bit more!  Incidentally, Noel Edmonds credits this book with re-launching his career during a hiatus.

‘It Works’ by RHJ – This is a wonderful pocket-sized book which was first published anonymously in 1926. in 2004, it was re-printed for the 42nd time.  The preface says: ‘A concise,definite,resultful plan with rules, explanations and suggestions for bettering your condition in life.’ It is a book that does not ponder too long on the whys and wherefores but one you can read and re-read time and time again. My absolute favourite.

I won’t wish you luck. You won’t need it. Know what you want, ask for it and believe. You deserve it.

Just make sure the wish will not harm anyone – that would not be nice! In the words of Byron: ‘All who joy would win must share it. Happiness was born a twin.’

All you have to do is become a bit more receptive

Jonathan Cainer

Lesson 9: Be a cheapskate organic.

Do you believe organic is best? I do. I also believe in sourcing local produce so, when the organic beans have been flown in from Kenya and our local produce have been  liberally coated with pesticides what to choose?  Unfortunately being organic is also expensive. But it need not be. I always buy organic milk,carrots corn and tomatoes. With milk it is because of the oestrogen levels in non-organic milk, the high pesticide absorption rate in non-organic carrots and the fact that I am never convinced that non-organic corn and tomatoes are not genetically modified. With everything else I try and buy local where I can or I just grow my own.

Every year I grow salad ( SO easy to grow and supermarket salad is so expensive, courgettes ( for the flowers as much as anything – they taste fabulous),potatoes ( a good way of getting value out of all the seeded potatoes you find in the vegetable drawer),tomatoes, beans and chard (my favourite). I tend to avoid cabbages,lettuces,root vegetables- too fiddly or sluggy. Life’s too short and I like my vegetables to be vegetarian.

Buying offcuts or unfashionable cuts of meat is another way of buying organic without dying at th price. Don’t be fooled by organic honey,salt and watercress. Local honey is best, it can help alleviate hayfever and allergy symptoms so you won’t need to shell out for anti-histamines, if your’re lucky and organic salt? purleeeese!! As for watercress, you can pick it for free as you can samphire, blackberries…… but that is going to be lesson 10.

I love Farmers’ Markets and farm shops. To be sure, some are better than others but it is a great way of finding local produce under one roof. Many of the farm shops now are almost mini-supermarkets with everything including pet-food and detergents under one roof. A word of warning though, remember, we are buying quality and value,make sure that what you buy really is local and not just re-packaged tat with a premium price attached to attract the fashionably eco-conscious. A local farm shop should be cheaper than buying at the supermarket, though not as cheap as their budget ranges. It should not make you feel you have just come out of the Harrods’ Food Hall!

Around here some of the really good local producers are:

Hillcrest Farm Shop in Stanton, near Bury St Edmunds

Wyken Hall  Saturday Farmers’ Market near Stanton

Longwood Organic Farm in Tuddenham St.Mary

La Hogue, near Newmarket

Sometimes you will also come across little individual table stalls by the road side, where individual gardeners sell their home produce. These are not necessarily organic but have been produced (locally!) with love and are usually very inexpensive.

Lesson 20: Quality is worth paying for.

Ok, here is an oxymoronic view-point. We are in a credit-crunch and entering a recession which, if the papers are to be believed, will rival the Great Depression in terms of impact felt by Jo Public.

Well, this is EXACTLY the time to only be buying quality. Fast-fix-instant-gratification – wear-once- chuck-on-landfill-site-purchasing not only does not last but it does nothing more than satisfy a quick-fix need.

Well, if you are more interested in a morning quickie than a long and langorous session on a moonlit bay, this is not for you.

Skintflint Diva may be cheap but she is never easy. More bang for your buck, that’s the motto. Gordon Brown would be sooo proud………

So, how to survive the impending recession with style and dignity when all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you? How do you fight the good fight without looking a fright? Keep up the war-paint effort?

Well, we are not interested in the one-hit wonders. We are way too old to buy a new frock every Saturday to wear out that evening. Wear out being the operative statement here.  We want things to at least outlast the life-cycle of a fruit-fly though, ideally, we are hoping more for turtle.

So, what can’t you afford to scrimp on?

A good haircut.

No, I am not advocating 6-weekly cut, colour and blow-dries at the salon of the latest global-jetset uber-hairstylist. No, I am thinking more of a really decent cut that you can maintain yourself, at minimum effort and cost but does not look as though you  are  impersonating the love-child of Vidal Sassoon and a Flymo.

I have an amazing hairdresser (Donna,Toni & Guy, Bury St Edmunds, Suffolk Tel: 01284 717171) who cuts my hair every 3 or four months – depending on how straggly I allow it to get. She cuts, I go, I live. Perfect.

Another area or, as we are still talking of your crowning glory,’hair-ea’ is conditioner. I don’t believe in budgeting. Spend less on shampoo, it’s not on your hair for long, you rinse it off clean. Conditioner can be pretty shabby unless it’s a good brand. One of the secrets of looking younger is to have shiny hair. Expensive conditioner just does it so much better.

My favourites:

Expensive – Alterna’s Hemp conditioner. Hair left very glossy, easy to detangle and conditions equisitely without weighing down the hair. Philip Treacy – Elasticizer’. This is much gooeyer and takes a lot longer to work than the average product but it richly deserves all of the praise the fashion pack, models editors and beauty journalists bequeathe upon it.

In the mid-price range, I really rate Nicky Clarke’s ’60 Second Treat’ which is available in most supermarkets and also  Daniel Galvin Jr’s range of organic haircare. His ‘Hangover Hair Repair and Gloss Treatment’ is a product I absolutely love for summer holidays. It is a real shame it comes in a 125 ml bottle which is just a bit over the air-travel allowance. It easily lasts a week for long hair, left on the hair for 20 minutes in the afternoon, after I have come in from a day spent at the beach, I sit on the terrace with my hair wrapped in a carrier bag ‘turban’. Read and then,when I shower it off, I have beautifully soft and fragrant glossy hair, all ready to take me out of an evening for my  first Campari and soda of the night.

In the budget haircare range, I have yet to find a conditioner to give the the detangling, moisturisation and gloss that I am happy with.Please let me know if you know of one!

A toothbrush.

You just CAN NOT scrimp on your teeth. The three things that define youthfulness are shiny hair, white teeth and bright eyes. I use an Oral-B sonicare toothbrush and have dome so for about 3 years. It is an amazing brush. I am sure there are others on the market that are better. Once this one ( my second) packs up and croaks it, I will shop around. I love my toothbrush because I drink coffee, red wine and eat dark chocolate so stained enamel is not something I look forward to. With the sonic toothbrush, I feel as though my teeth are getting a much more thorough clean than they ever would manually. With a decent toothbrush, you do not have to spend a small fortune on toothpaste. Also, your hygienist will be pleased as your teeth will not feel as mossy as they may well might!

Body Cream

No, you do not have to spend hundreds on the latest gold-encrusted kilo-sized jar of Creme la Mer. You do have to find a body cream/moisturizer that suits you. We are not made equal – neither is our skin so we need to find a cream that suits our individualness.

I personally don’t spend a huge amount of money on body cream. The most expensive body cream I will buy is a Crabtree & Evelyn body butter in the Naturals range (www.crabtree-evelyn.co.uk) The texture is fantastic. Rich,unctuous but sinks in better than the Body Shop body butters and with a much more enticing range of scents. If I want something a bit more budget, I go for Neutrogena sesame seed oil, sparingly stroked on damp skin and then topped off with Palmer’s cocoa butter lotion. In the summer I cannot live without French cult brand Nuxe’s Huile Prodigeuse. It smells of holidays and is so divine, I can not help to be happy when I smell it. It is a dry oil that can be used on the skin, hair, face. Personally, as someone who has had to deal with the blisteringly pus-filled torment of adolescent acne, I love using oil on the face. The massageing action it requires, helps to decongest,adds glow and generally feels nice whilst relaxing the face. As muscles in the face are attached to the skin, it is of benefit to massage for that youthful lift and glow.

Also, as we are all probably too poor to have our heating on, keeping the hands active should, hopefully, ward off chilblains……

to be continued…….

Lesson 19: Diffuse a situation.

No, don’t panic. I am not going to ask you to wade in when football fans are getting nasty, to talk down hostage-takers in a life or death situation or walk away when your other half has got their knickers in a twist. No, I am talking about diffusion lines. The less costly ’sibling’ ranges of the high-end designers allow more people to own the ’style’ at a much lower cost entry-level.

YES!!! Let’s face it, we want designer quality but without the mark-up so what to do?

Here are some of the main lines and the diffusion lines.:

Ralph Lauren

Black Label- expensive. You can still get a bargain at the Ralph Lauren shop at Bicester Village. Yep it may be two years old but quality NEVER dates, baby!

Blue label – More accessible but we’re still talking 3-figure sums here. Get it two years later from designer discount outlets.

Lauren

Pink Pony- Yep, the logo we all know. Personally, I would prefer it to not be EVERYWHERE but, I suppose, the whole point of wearing designert is so that others can see we can afford it!

Chloe – High end designer wear.

See by Chloe- cheaper but still gorgeous. If you are lucky, you will be able to pick up pieces from a discount outlet like T.K.Maxx.

Gianni Versace Jeans Couture – The diffusion line of Gianni Versace.  Other diffusion lines from the house of Versace include:
Istante
Versus Versace Classic
Versace Sport
Boss by Hugo Boss – diffusion line of Hugo Boss
Armani Collezioni – Diffusion line of Giorgio Armani. There are also:
Emporio Armani
Armani Exchange
Armani Jeans
Prada Sport- Diffusion line of Prada.

Miu Miu – Started up as baby sister of Prada but is now a fully-fledged label of it’s own
Y’s by Yohji Yamamoto diffusion line of Yohji Yamamoto

Marc by Marc Jacobs -Marc Jacobs diffusion line.

Pleats, Please – diffusion line of Issy Miyake

McQueen – Alexander McQueen’s lower-cost option

Diffusion lines are not just restricted to clothing ranges. You can also buy the more accessible entry-level equivalents of ‘of-the-moment’ beauty products that still deliver but at a price that is more ’shaving-rash discomfort’ than ‘bikini-wax-eye-watering’. Obviously, the products will not have as many expensive ingredients, as their plush sibling, neither will the packaging be as covetable but the products will be effective and, in many ways could be more effective as you won’t need to worry about economical application, you can afford to just slather the products on wantonly.

THe best diffusion lines in beauty are:

Kings and Queens – the diffusion line of cult Greek range Korres. Available in Boots the Chemist.

Bodyworks – Lower price but no less ,wonderful for that relative of ‘This Works’. A beautiful range of aromatherapy bath products designed by ex- Vogue Health and Beauty Director Kathy Phillips.

Soap and Glory – Marcia Kilgore of Bliss Spa and Fitflops has a range of bath and beauty products in Boots.The Glow Job Daily Radiance Moisture Lotion (£7.99) sold out as soon as it hit the shelves at Harvey Nichols.

Cosmetics

Love the latest Chanel make-up but don’t want the expense? Most makes are owned bby just a few companies, use the same laboratories and scientists so more companies benefit from the same research. Look for the lines that come out of the same stable . You may need to wait for a few months for the technology to diffuse down into the cheaper ranges but a lot of the cheaper ranges, such as Bourjois and l’Oreal have benefitted from all the research and product testing that the more up-market brands such as Chanel and Lancome.

Bourjois, the French make-up house that has been making powder blush since 1862, also owns Chanel. Have you never wondered why both their blushers are dome shaped? Well, now you know. So, if you love the idea of Chanel’s ‘Vitulumiere’ but not the price tag, try Bourjois’ ‘10 Hour Sleep Effect’ anti-fatigue foundation.

Founded in 1946 when Joseph Lauder and his wife Estee started making creams, it now has 21 companies under its umbrella.

Estee Lauder – especially the wonderful powder compacts that are on sale for Christmas. The Advanced Night Repair Complex which is so fabulous it got rid of my contact dermatitis in 3 days. The ReNutriv Ultimate Youth Cream gives a fabulous youthful glow and sinks in easily for a rich cream.
Clinique – The Dramatically Different moisturiser and their 3-Step Plan have been consistent top sellers.
Prescriptives – Bespoke foundatons and skin-colour matching to make absolute sure that your face and neck match.
Origins- A much more holistic brand. THeir range of Ginger products and the Salt Rub smell divine, as do all of their shampoos and the Peace of Mind massage Oil.
MAC – Make up designed by make-up artists. The whole range is fabulous.
La Mer- Invented by Aerospace physicist, scientist Dr Max Huber, after a scientific experiment went completely wrong, exploded in his face and caused severe chemical burns. The rather unremarkable ingredients have been fermented to create a ‘miracle broth’
Bobbi Brown
Tommy Hifiger
Aveda
Jo Malone
Bumble and Bumble
Darphin
Missoni
Aramis
Lab Series
Kiton
Donna Karan
American Beauty
Good Skin
Flirt!
Sean John

Unfortunately, none of these are diffusion lines but, if you are looking for a bargain, you can always get the specially priced boxed sets at Christmas that are hugely discounted. Maybe wait until the January sales? Or wait and only buy if there is a special gift with purchase.

L’Oreal , which is partly owned by Nestle, owns all the following brands:
Lancôme -great mascaras and, of course, the market leader in lip-gloss: Juicy Tubes.
The Body Shop- Great for their range of body butters, long-lasting gel blushers and Vitamin E range.
Maybelline- Maybelline mascara, beloved of models worldwide – its iconic pink and green packaging and non-clogging formula deliver at a geat price.
Biotherm- Not so well known French dermatological  containing thermal plankton and other marine extracts and which is great for all skin types.
Kiehl’s- Started out as a New York pharmacy in 1851, Kiehl’s now has a devoted following worldwide. Big sellers are the amazing Lip Balm Nr. 1, the Creme with Silk Groom hair treatment and the Ultra Facial Moisturizer.
Shu Uemura- named after the Japanese make-up artist who set it up. Most famous products are the cleansing oils and the Shu Uemura eyelash curler – the best in the business and even earned itself a mention in the fashionista’s favourite movie, ‘The Devil wears Prada’
Cacharel- Most famous for the fragrance Anais Anais, Cacharel has several scents in its stable as well as ready-to-wear and accessories line.
Giorgio Armani – unbelievable foundations and lipcolours
Helena Rubinstein
Dermablend- camouflage cover for scars and uneven pigmentation.
SkinCeuticals
Vichy Laboratoires
Kérastase
Redken
Garnier

They obviously thought the above were worth it!!!

Revlon owns Almay.