Now, now take it easy. I am not advocating buying the Financial Times to further your knowledge on sustainable economic growth.
The Skinflint Diva only reads magazines – what’s the point of bargain-hunting if you don’t know what you’re hunting for? Magazines are RESEARCH. You would not write a thesis without proper background work, would you? I am not advocating memorising every exact detail of what is in the current Cruise Collections ( I bet you are wondering what I mean by Cruise Collections – don’t worry, you don’t need to know. Remember we are spending responsibly and going on cruises is just plain reckless when banking staff are living in fear and the price of potatoes has gone up).
Magazines have lots of pretty pictures, very little writing and it is very easy to get an idea of what you like or don’t like. If you have the time and the inclination, assemble a ‘Look Book’ – basically a scrapbook of clothes, accessories, colours you like. This is an especially handy hobby now that the evenings are drawing in as you can exercise your fingers ripping, sticking and pasting to your heart’s content whilst watching ‘Coronation Street’. Stops them getting chilblains. Saves on buying another pair of gloves.
No, I.M.F. does not stand for International Monetary Fund. Well, actually it does, but not here.
Here it is the Impecunious Melioration Factor
or : An algebraic expression of how to make your skintness more palatable.
The formula is: I + M =F
Where I= Skintness, M=Responsible Feel Good Factor, F= Result.
In a nutshell, spende wisely my child and ye shall enjoy the fruits of thine shoppe even more.
Right, we’ve done the maths. How does this actually work in practice?
Let’s do a test:
When you shop, do you:
a) browse leisurely?
b) frenetically flick your way through the racks like a marathon runner on a pee break?
c) sigh?
When you unpack your purchase at home, do you?
a) unwrap the clothes carefully, hold the items up in the air and admire them as one would a Vermeer?
b) wear the items as soon as you get home,even if it means a wardrobe change every 40 minutes until bedtime?
c) rip the lables off the clothes, chuck them on the chair. They’ll do until the next tedious journey up the High Street?
A fortnight later, are the clothes you have bought:
a) Still hanging in their dustbag, inside your wardrobe. You are still waiting for the special occasion that warrants their unveiling.
b) Which clothes? You raze through ‘Topshop’ several times a week. Clothes a fortnight old? That is positively vintage!
c) they are due for a dry-clean but the prospect of another shop is soo horrific, you’ll keep sponging off the soup stains and layering on the ‘Febreeze’.
Right, which one are you?
Mostly A: You love shopping, you enjoy clothes but,honey, if you ain’t gonna wear it, spend your money on art. It takes up less room in your wardrobe.
Mostly B: You need to cold-turkey, and FAST! To break you in gently, for the next two weeks buy the clothes, DO NOT RIP OFF THE PRICE TAGS and return the next day. Do this EVERY day for a fortnight and you will soon lose the urge to shop ( or the will to live – whichever comes first).
Mostly C: Oh dear, I bet you view food as fuel and holidays as a nasty conspiracy theory to get you away from your desk whilst your office colleagues scour your desk for errors and omissions. Book yourself onto the next available naturist retreat. Two weeks in the buff AND on holiday will positively propel you into the Marks and Sparks changing room faster than a drop in interest rates.
This quiz was actually a red herring. What I was hoping was that, by reading through the questions, you would have realised that none of the above actually got any real value out of the clothes, that is, actually ENJOYING what they buy and WEARING it!
In other words, they did not apply the principles of I.M.F.
Remember: Skintness + Responsible Feel Good Factor = Result.
Apply this formula when you are shopping and not only will you impress the editor of Vogue but Pythagoras will be giving you the huge celestial thumbs-up from Mount Olympus.
Please note that I have trademarked the abbreviation I.M.F (meaning Impecunious Melioration Factor) and, should you wish to use this abbreviation, a fee comparable to a Chanel handbag will be payable. Those of you wishing to use the abbreviation I.M.F ( meaning International Monetary Fund) may use it without impunity but, who are we kidding, if you are reading this blog, you are not interested in facilitating international trade and securing financial stability and sustainaible economic growth, are you???
SO DIVVY UP!!!!!
